Sit With It

Have you ever heard a counselor, therapist, or even a well-meaning friend say, "Just sit with it"?

If you're anything like me, maybe you’ve rolled your eyes, or thought, “you sit with it!” and you've probably wondered what it actually means. How do you "sit with" something uncomfortable? And why would you want to?

Recently, I was struggling with something emotionally, and I noticed I was doing everything possible to avoid feeling it. I kept myself busy. I overworked. I watched TV. I scrolled endlessly on my phone. If there was a distraction available, I took it.

The problem was that no matter how hard I tried to outrun the feeling, it remained.

Sure, there were moments when it seemed to disappear. A funny show, a busy task, a conversation, or a social media rabbit hole would give me temporary relief. But as soon as the distraction ended, there it was again. That familiar heaviness in my chest. That deep pit in my stomach. The feeling kept rising back to the surface, asking to be acknowledged.

What I eventually realized was that my body was trying to tell me something.

There was an emotion there that needed attention.

I kept trying to suppress it. I kept denying it. I kept convincing myself I didn't have time for it or that it wasn't a big deal. But the moment I stopped fighting it and allowed myself to simply feel it, something shifted.

It wasn't pleasant.

In fact, "yuck" is probably the best word I can find to describe it.

It felt heavy. Dense. Like it had settled deep into my soul. At first, I wasn't even sure what I was feeling. I just knew that the past few months had been hard. Family life has been hard. Work has been hard. Life has been demanding.

Then it hit me.

It felt like grief.

Not grief from death, but grief nonetheless.

The grief of change.

The grief of unmet expectations.

The grief of losses that don't come with funerals but still leave an empty space behind.

Once I stopped avoiding it, I was able to move through it. Not instantly. Not dramatically. I simply allowed it to exist. I let it take up the space it had been demanding all along.

Which brings me back to that phrase:

"Sit with it."

So how long does one sit with it?

The honest answer is that I don't know.

No one really knows.

There isn't a timer. There isn't a formula. There isn't a point when someone can tell you, "Okay, you've sat with that emotion long enough."

What I do know is this:

Just as a physical wound heals from the inside out, emotional wounds often do too.

Ignoring a wound doesn't heal it. Covering it up doesn't heal it. Pretending it isn't there certainly doesn't heal it.

Healing begins when we acknowledge the pain, give it room to breathe, and allow ourselves the grace to feel what we're feeling without judgment.

Sometimes sitting with it isn't about finding answers.

Sometimes it's simply about making space.

And sometimes, that space is exactly where healing begins.